Help Lonya Hear!

A sweet young man at Sovietsk Orphanage named Lonya (short for Leonid) is in need of a new hearing aid. You can read more about Lonya here: sovietsksupporters.blogspot.com/2010/11/meet-lonya.html. He is 9 years old and  growing up quickly.

Lonya is currently sharing a hearing aid and can only use it part time, so he is missing out on important school work. It's impacting his speech progress as well. We have also been working to get him more financial support for therapies, which is a work in progress.

We only need $1,250 to cover the cost of the hearing aids. Fortunately we have found a local sponsor for half of Lonya's hearing aid. Will you consider chipping in to help Lonya?

If you would like to give a tax-deductible donation to the fund online, please follow the steps below:

1.       Go to www.hopechest.org
2.       Click on the orange “Give” button (on the rightside of screen)
3.       Click “Designated/Sponsorship: One Time Gift” & type the amount you would like to give in box below
4.       Enter the orphanage number in “Reference Number”: RU0506000
5.       Enter in the “Notes Field”: Medical
6.       Then have the donor complete their contact & payment information.

Thank you so much for your care and love for these precious children, including little Lonya. Any amount you can give is appreciated. We are looking forward to sharing with you when Lonya receives his new hearing aids and is back to work!

Best. Letter. Ever.

Wow, it's been quite an absence from blogging. There are lots of reasons for that, most of them good! We have also had to step back a little bit from lots of 'extras' with Sovietsk. BUT, one thing we are committed to doing is writing those letters! We've heard from more children this year than ever before, and it is a beautiful thing!

Along those lines, we had to share a letter that came to one of our long time sponsors. This gentleman has been writing to and sponsoring this young man since we began in 2007. They have never met, but they have developed quite a friendship. He shared this letter with us, and I am quite sure it is among the best letters I've ever read. We had to share!

Hello, Uncle (American Friend),

How are you? I'm fine. My favorite subjects are Russian language and Maths. You are my best friend I think. I like the pictures you've sent me last time. I'm really glad to become close friends with you. I need you and your support. You care for me. there are few people who really care.

I hope you to see you one day. It will be the best day of my life.

Goodbye,
[child from Sovietsk]

It takes time, in this case 4 years, but this is the kind of relationship you can develop and the impact you can have just by writing letters! This sponsor is planning to travel in the future, but even if he couldn't, he has made all the difference in the world just by caring.

You can do this too! For those of you who write, stay encouraged. Your words mean so much! For those of you who don't, we would love to connect you. Please contact me and I would be glad to help you find a Russian friend!

Waving goodbye

I had the pleasure of taking a run on a beautiful spring evening today.  Shortly into my run I went by a little league soccer practice.  I immediately became nostalgic for the football pitch behind Sovietsk Orphanage.  I've had a lot of fun there playing pick up games, losing at banana, or watching others play.  I was reminded of one young man in particular we've mentioned before on this blog who has shown a lot of promise as a soccer player, but hasn't been particularly open with us.  When we visited last September he, along with the orphanage director and some other kids from the orphanage, were invited to an athletic competition.  They left the same day that we left for home, but we were able to see them off.  As they were driving away we waved goodbye to them.  Some of the kids waved enthusiastically back to us but he remained indifferent. But as they drove around to the other side of the building on their way out we took a shortcut to the other side so that we could wave goodbye to them again.  The second time he actually cracked a smile and waved back.  A small gesture I realize, but it was a good reminder for us that you just have to keep trying.  Sometimes you won't get a response for a while, or at all.  But it's worth it to keep trying.

Sending Smiles

Some of these kiddos at Sovietsk just don't smile enough. It's understandable. When you've lost your family and feel rejected by the ones you love most, why should you smile? These children are cautious when it comes to trusting people, and they are guarded from showing emotions. They've been vulnerable before, to disastrous results. So one thing we strive to do with these children is bring a few more smiles.

That's why I love this picture! We're visiting the Sovietks history museum which had a special wax figure display. So, you see Kolai, me, Zhenya, and Piotr the great in the background. You can see a glimmer of smile on Kolai's face, and Zhenya's eyes are smiling. He tried to hold it in, but the smile comes through.

We met Kolai last year, in 2009, for the first time. He's had a hard life, and he is a sweet young man. He and Ben spent a good amount of time together working and playing soccer, and he is very personable. We've known Zhenya since our very first visit to Sovietsk. This is the FIRST time he's spent an extended period of time with us, accepted hugs, and shown a glimmer of smile. It warmed my heart and brought me to tears when we left. After 4 visits and many, many letters, maybe he buys it. Maybe he knows we're not kidding, and we truly care about him. He's among the oldest at the orphanage now, and he was so proud of his position as a leader. We are so proud of him.

Writing letters and sending photos is a great chance to send smiles to these kids. When I write, I like to use the word 'smile' every so often, maybe sharing a memory about them that makes me smile. Reading the world smile often leads the reader to smile, and smiling increases oxytocin and other positive hormones while decreasing stress hormones. This is SO healthy for our over-stressed, under-smiling children. If you want to do your part in sending a smile, let me know and we'll connect you with a child to whom you can write and send your love.

Thanks for caring about these special children!

Will you sponsor Armik?

While Russians conducted gift-giving and feasting on New Years, they reserve Christmas for religious observance. Orthodox Christmas was last week, January 7th. Would you consider honoring Russian Christmas, as well as our tradition of giving Christmas gifts, by contributing financially or sending letters to the children in Sovietsk Orphanage? Would you consider making 2011 the year you become a sponsor of a child in need?

Armik is 11 years old and came to the orphanage this year with his 16 year old brother Sasha, his 7 year old brother Lonya, and his 6 year old sister Toma. Armik is very quiet and reserved, and he is having a hard time adjusting to orphanage life. Armik has been essentially raised by his brother Sasha for a few years now, and he is learning what it means to be part of a larger community. Armik has some barriers to overcome to catch up with his peers. Sponsorship can help him gain medical and educational assistance and show him he is loved and cherished by a special someone half a world away.

Will you be Armik’s sponsor? Through sponsorship, American friends connect one-on-one with children at the orphanage through letters, prayer, and financial support. For $34 a month (that’s $408 a year), the children receive financial assistance for educational and medical needs, regular visits from mentor Anya, and birthday and Christmas parties. While ideally sponsors stay connected to the children through their entire time at the orphanage, a minimum one-year sponsorship is encouraged.

Sponsorship payments may be made monthly, quarterly, semi-annually, or yearly by check, credit card, or EFT. Sponsors are encouraged to write one letter, one page long, once a month. It’s a simple task with a HUGE impact! Or, if sponsorship is too great a commitment, you can always donate at http://www.hopechest.org/ or with checks payable to Children’s HopeChest. Please mark the memo line Sovietsk Fund. If you are interested in sponsoring Armik or any of the other children at Sovietsk Orphanage in Kirov, Russia, please send me an email.

And Happy New Year!

It Ain't Workin'!

On our recent trip to Sovietsk I had the opportunity to sit down and play guitar with some of the boys. (The girls play, too, but this was intended to be male bonding time.) One of the young fellas asked me to show him how to play a C chord. I put his fingers in the right spot and told him to press down and then strum. He did okay at first but before long his fingers got tired and the chord started to break down. Soon it was just an atonal plunking sound. He then looked up at me and said in Russian, "IT AIN'T WORKIN'!" Before I knew it I was laughing so hard I could hardly breathe, and then our interpreter started laughing, and soon the aspiring guitarist was laughing. I couldn't explain then or now why it was so funny, but it was positively hilarious. There's not really much of a point to this story other than it was good to share a moment of levity with a kid who really needed one. My young friend had some traumatic experiences that led him to living in the orphanage and it was good to share that moment of laughter with him.

Meet Lonya

When we arrived at Sovietsk this year, one of the first questions new director Alexei asked was “How can we find more sponsors for the children?”

Sponsorship is the lifeblood of our collective work at Sovietsk. American friends connect one-on-one with children at the orphanage through letters, prayer, and financial support. For $34 a month (that’s $408 a year), the children receive financial assistance for educational and medical needs, regular visits from mentor Anya, and birthday and Christmas parties. While ideally sponsors stay connected to the children through their entire time at the orphanage, a minimum one-year sponsorship is encouraged. Sponsorship payments may be made monthly, quarterly, semi-annually, or yearly by check, credit card, or EFT. Sponsors are encouraged to write one letter, one page long, once a month. It’s a simple task with a HUGE impact!

In an effort to find sponsors for all 24 of the waiting children at Sovietsk, we are focusing on finding a sponsor for one child each month.



Meet Lonya. Lonya is 7 years old and came to the orphanage this year with his 16 year old brother Sasha, his 11 year old brother Armik, and his 6 year old sister Tamara. Lonya has 30% of his hearing. The doctors believe he had little hearing at birth, though there is some speculation he lost some at age 3 in an accident. After coming to the orphanage in May, Lonya received hearing aids for the first time in his life. Though at times he is overwhelmed, Lonya is a little sponge, soaking up language skills and sounds all the time! He is expert at communicating through animated gestures and is beginning to read lips and mimic sounds. He loves taking photographs and is purposeful and artistic when composing them. Lonya needs financial assistance to get picture cards and other visual materials to expand his language. Lonya will be attending a special school in town for children who have hearing impairment, and Lonya will continue to be evaluated by specialists to determine the best approach in treatment and education. Lonya is a sweet, loving boy who enjoys his siblings and playing games at the orphanage. Sponsorship can help him meet his full potential and show him that he is loved and cherished by a special someone half a world away.

If you are interested in sponsoring Lonya or any of the other children at Sovietsk Orphanage, please send me an email. We hope to hear from you!

Banana

In light of the ongoing World Cup I thought I'd write a bit about my experience with soccer in Russia. During our visit to Sovietsk last September I had the chance to prove once again that Americans are worse at soccer than Russians. Since males need activities in order to carry on a conversation, it's fortunate that we had plenty of opportunities to play together.

One type of game in particular is called "banana." The name probably has something to do with the half cirlce formation that the players stand in around the goal. The rules are pretty complicated and it took me a while to catch on. One person plays goalie while the others try to score. You can't touch the soccer ball twice in a row and you have to kick the ball into the goal from the air and not the ground. If someone kicks the ball out of bounds, they end up as the goalie. You can also end up as goalie if you break one of the other rules that I didn't understand and constantly broke. I played A LOT of goalie. But I had so much fun. It made a memory for me and gave me something to write to the boys about and say "remember when we played banana and it was hilarious." I think I'll brush up my skills so I don't spend so much time as goalie now. ...Ah well, who am I kidding?

The Importance of Playing Soccer

After our third visit to Sovietsk Orphanage, it was nice to see yet again how the kids are progressing. One boy in particular is a great example of the hope for success that we have for these kids. Through a soccer program at the orphanage, he was able to prove that he has no small measure of athletic talent. Before he started playing soccer, he was considered one of the "naughty boys." While he still has some trouble now and then, he seems to have turned it around and improved his behavior as well as his performance in school. He now has a goal of attending university so that he can become a Phys. Ed. teacher when he grows up. This might not sound like staggering news to the average American, but for an orphanage kid in Russia, this is nothing short of amazing. About 4% of orphanage graduates attend university. It's not that these kids lack the talent to be able to attend university, it's simply that they lack the opportunity and the means.

We're so glad that, through past sponsorship and the funding of this soccer program by Kids First Foundation, this young man now has a goal to achieve, the motivation to get there, and the moral support if he falters. This is the kind of support that we're trying to offer to all of the kids at Sovietsk. Some of them want to be truck drivers, singers, artists, beauticians, welders, etc. Whatever they want to be, we want to give them a chance.

We are trying to fund soccer for the remainder of this year. Along the right side of the blog, where it says "Sports and Arts Change Lives" you'll see an opportunity to contribute towards this and other critical programs for our kiddos.

Planting Trees

In Russia, they say there are three things necessary in order to be a man: build a house, raise a son, and plant a tree. I'm two-thirds of the way there.

During our visit, my dad, our interpreter Misha, and I had the opportunity to help some of the young fellows at the orphanage take a step toward becoming men.

Because of a carelessly discarded cigarette, the orphanage lost about a dozen trees along the perimeter of its property last year. We planted some trees to replace those damaged in the fire. During this process, I became acutely aware of how fortunate I was to have a man like my father teach me to be a man. These young guys at the orphanage aren't so lucky.

One boy in particular comes to mind. As Misha put it, "He hasn't learned to keep his word. He hasn't learned to be a man." He will graduate soon and have to set about life on his own. When I was his age I wasn't ready to be on my own; I couldn't imagine being in his shoes. But this is why Sarah and I are working so hard and partnering with our Russian counterparts to help all of the kids at Sovietsk Orphanage find their way.

Supply Update

Thanks to all of you who are contributing to the supply drive for Sovietsk Orphanage! We have received lots of great support and some very creative ideas. We love that! Based on what I've heard and received from donors, we're still hoping for the following items:

16 lipsticks/lip glosses--for pampering time for our girls
20 hacky sacks--good bonding and gross motor building
35 bubble pipes--fun and soothing, good for stress and breath regulation
33 small hand mirrors (unisex)--for use in activities and for them to keep
face painting supplies--fun and nurturing!
sugarless gum--dental hygiene
dollar store stationary--to encourage letter writing
funds: $325 for school supplies, $350 for graduates, $150 for gardening equipment, and $43/child for English lessons (see right)
LETTERS!!!!!!!!!!!

See below for details, or email me if you'd like more info.

Safety, Permanence, Well-Being

Many of you know I am working on my MSW and specializing in child welfare, working to empower parents and families to ensure that children are protected and nurtured. In the US, the consensus in child welfare is that adults need to provide children with safety, permanence, and well-being in order for them to grow into healthy, strong individuals. Sometimes we do well, sometimes we don't. The same is true for our children in Russia.

The orphanage is a strong attempt at providing safety for a child, and Sovietsk does as well or better than any orphanage we've seen at keeping children safe--thanks to staff like Vovo, above with the guys, or Sveta, below with the girls . We are so thankful for that. But, when you have 18 year old boys living with young women, or older children who have experienced abuse or violence living with younger vulnerable children, and there are only so many adults to go around, there are special considerations. We've visited an orphanage of over 100 children where boys and girls shared rooms and where there was 1 night staff. It's hard to imagine that each of those children is safe.

The biggest challenge at Sovietsk may be establishing permanence. Permanence, for a child, is inextricably linked to psychological stability--it is hard for a child to flourish when he or she is always wondering what is next. In my practicum working with kinship families (relatives, often older grandparents, who are caring for children as their own), I came across this extremely relevant statement:

A child who is orphaned loses his parents once, and it is permanent and tragic. A child whose parents are in jail, in rehab, on the street or just missing, harbors a hope of returning to them but in the meantime loses them over and over again as they wander in and out of the child's life. Strange as it may seem, a sudden death may be easier for a child to handle than months or even years of not knowing. It is the difference between a clean break and prolonged uncertainty, and certainty is extremely important to children.*

Ben and I have witnessed firsthand the heartbreak of this repeated loss. Of the 29 children at Sovietsk, I believe only 3 have parents who are deceased--the rest have parents either unwilling, unable, or ill-equipped to care for them. On our last visit, we spent time with a young man who was expecting to spend the summer with his mother. She didn't come through, and he stayed at the orphanage while his friends were at camp. We sat with a sweet girl who receive a letter from her mother informing her that another baby was on the way. She responded as outwardly dismissive, saying she had negative feelings toward her mother for drinking too much and leaving her at the orphanage. It can be hard for those who have never experienced this to understand, but even with those negative feelings, there is a yearning for the acceptance and love that only a mother can give. She has to wonder--will my mother keep this child, but not me? Will I know my brother or sister? Will we ever be a family? Each time another hope is crushed, the child loses the parent all over again.

This is why the nature of what Sovietsk Supporters do is so important. Material gifts cannot bring love and acceptance, or well-being, to hurting children. We can never fill the void left by missing parents, but we can be a stable source of acceptance and love for children who have no understanding of what that means. We can do our part to ensure their well-being, even in the turbulence and impermanence of an orphanage. They did nothing to deserve a life without a family, and we who have so much love to give do everything we can to show them that love is possible.

*de Toldedo, S. & Brown, D. E. (1995). Grandparents as Parents. New York: The Guilford Press.

Ivan and Ilya

Last August, I met a couple of interesting young guys who were living at Sovietsk Orphanage and I thought I'd share with you a little bit about them. They're a pair of brothers called Ivan and Ilya. They were shy around us just like most of the kids, so we didn't get to spend as much time getting to know them as we would have liked. But I know a little bit about them. They're energetic, full of life, and they have lots of personality. But they've not had an easy life--I think that much is probably obvious given that they live in an orphanage--but things are looking up for them. Through the generous support of the KidsFirst Foundation, Ivan and Ilya and several other of the young men there were able to take driving lessons and obtain their drivers license. Galina, the kind director of the orphanage, told us that she didn't have to worry about these guys now because they can earn a living on their own. (That's a big deal, because Galina worries constantly about all of the children there.) Having the ability to drive opens up many opportunities for jobs. In addition, the boys had to prove that they could behave responsibly in order to take the lessons in the first place. Galina treated the driving lessons as a privilege that the guys had to earn. She was proud to tell us that they had lived up to her expectations. Another thing I know about Ivan and Ilya is that they're still very young and even though they can now earn a decent living, it doesn't mean that they don't need the emotional and moral support that comes from friendship. These young men don't have anyone to write to them. A great way to build a relationship with these guys and to offer them support is through exchanging letters. I can't emphasize enough how dearly these kids treat the correspondences that they receive. They're read and re-read them a thousand times. How would you feel if you knew that someone an ocean away thought enough of you to sit down and write a note to tell you that they were thinking about you. Pretty good, I'll wager.

Sergey the Carpenter

About a year ago I undertook a house project that was probably over my head from the beginning. I decided that I was going to build a bed for Sarah and me. Surprisingly enough, though, the bed turned out fine. (I was as shocked as you are). That's it in the photo to the left, complete with a sleeping cat.

One of the methods that the orphanage uses to help the children learn life skills and other important lessons is a wood shop program. The kids learn basic carpentry as well as fine woodworking skills. Over the course of my early correspondences with Sergey, I learned that he enjoyed wood shop. Even though he lives a million miles away, I decided that I should enlist his help in building this bed. I asked him in a letter if he had any advice for a novice like me who is trying to venture into furniture building. He responded with painstakingly drawn diagrams of how to construct a bed and the simple encouragement that "building a bed is not a difficult thing to do."

Truthfully, I had already built the bed by the time I heard back from him, but I was very happy to have engaged him in such a way that let him know that I didn't think of our relationship as being so one-sided. As a sponsor, as an American, as an adult, etc. it's easy to think that the kids at the orphanage have everything to learn and nothing to offer. That's simply not true. They're as interesting and complicated and intelligent as anyone. And if you listen closely, they can teach you a thing or two.

How I ended up with this cucumber

You might be wondering how I ended up taking a photograph of a cucumber setting on my hand. Well, here's how it happened. After we had been at Sovietsk Orphanage for about a day and a half, Sergey and I had, in a way, found our rhythm. As I've mentioned, he's painfully shy. In fact, he seemed even to be a bit embarassed that Sarah and I had come there from America to visit him. It was all he could do to stay in the same room as us for more than a few minutes at a time without having to escape to the solace of his bedroom or some other such private place. I didn't take his constant scurrying away personally, but I had really started to wonder what he thought about us. But I got a clue as to what he thought by a small, meaningful action. We were hanging out with some of the kids when Sergey took off again, so I went to look for him. When I found him, he handed me a cucumber that he had picked for me, and then promptly ran away again before I could even say thank you. I don't know all that much about Russian culture, but I think that giving someone a cucumber as a gift probably means that you think of them as a friend. The cucumber was delicious.

Fishing trip

On the morning of our fishing trip I was filled with anticipation and trepidation. It was my first time really going off on my own there without Sarah there to give me constant moral support. As I've alluded to in previous posts, conversation doesn't flow freely from me, so Sarah is always keen to encourage me to strike up a conversation with these kids even if it's about something rather mundane.

After breakfast, Misha and I headed down to what I thought would three or four teenage guys waiting for us in the bus. But it was only Andrey and the bus driver, Vovo. I asked Andrey if the other guys were sleeping. He said that they couldn't come because they were working (chopping wood and other odd jobs around the village). As it turns out, the other boys were sleeping. No one had woken them up. I don't know if Andrey had anything to do with it or not, and I didn't press the issue later after I found out.

After about a thirty minute bus ride on Russian country roads we got to a small lake with a surrounding village. We had three fishing poles and four people so I chose to observe at first. Andrey and Vovo had their own poles so Misha and I had to alternate. Vovo caught a fish almost immediately, and he pretty much kept up that pace the entire time. A few minutes later Andrey caught one, too. Misha and I didn't do so well--we didn't catch many fish and the ones we did catch were too small to eat. Vovo told us that the orphanage cats could eat what we caught. I knew this was probably a joke at my expense, but since I like cats I decided it was a nice thing for me to do.

When I wasn't manning a pole I just sat there and took in the nice view. I can see why people like to fish--it's pretty relaxing and fish are yummy. But the best part of our morning came when Andrey caught the biggest fish out of all of us. When he started to pull it in Vovo nearly tripped over his own pole getting there to lend a hand. We all made a big deal about it and I could tell that Andrey was quite proud. The next day, Misha and I overheard him telling someone the story of how he caught the biggest fish.

Maybe that's why Andrey didn't wake the other boys--he wanted all of our attention. It might sound base but it's perfectly understandable considering that for most of his eighteen years he has been ignored and abandoned by adults. Even though I was disappointed that I didn't get to spend more time with the other guys, I was glad that Andrey got to feel important for a morning.

Mushrooms and berries

The morning and afternoon of our first full day at the orphanage was spent mushroom hunting, berry picking, and picnicking. Sarah and I and our translators covered ourselves from head to toe (despite temperatures in the low 80s) and loaded onto a bus with a half dozen or so of the kids from the orphanage and a handful of the caregivers and drove out to a nearby state-owned park. The plan was to divide up by gender and go in search of mushrooms and berries. Immediately the boys split off from me, Misha the translator, and Vadim the woodshop guy. I should have expected this, given the way my first meeting with Sergey went the previous night. Still, it was difficult not to feel a bit discouraged. Nevertheless, we had a good time rummaging through the woods. When we got back to the site of the picnic the boys were there just hanging around. I decided to try to engage them again. Let me first say, the male of the species, I think, needs to do something together in order to bond. It's not enough--really, it's just too difficult--to bond over a mere conversation. Several of the older boys, Sergey included, earn some pocket money by chopping wood for various people throughout the village. This is a skill that I've never developed and it doesn't look like I have a very promising future in wood chopping. But I decided to have the boys teach me how to chop wood for the fire that was roasting our lunch. Let's just say we all had a good laugh at my attempts. Then it was their turn to demostrate. They were all of course much more proficient than I. One of the older fellas, Andrey, was able to do it with one hand--no mean feat, I must say. This activity lasted all of ten minutes, but it was a start. There was a spring near the site of our picnic and so after lunch most of the kids found their way to the water. Undeterred by previous failed conversations with the boys, Sarah and I made our way over to them and tried to chat about going fishing the next day. I asked what I thought were important questions, such as "where will we be fishing?" and "what time are we planning to wake up and leave?" I got mostly shrugs, but one of the guys responded that they don't worry about waking themselves up in the mornings because the caregivers are responsible for that. I really started to worry about these kids at that point. First, they have real trouble engaging adults in a conversation--I understand why and I don't blame the kids for this, but still, you have to admit, that the inability to carry on a conversation could be a serious stumbling block. And second, they don't even know how to wake themselves up in the morning at the age of sixteen or seventeen. The orphanage director and the caregivers do a great job with the kids. They really try to help them become functional adults, but the fact remains that these young people live not in a home with parents, but in an institution. This is difficult for even the most resilient people to overcome. We had a fun time mushroom hunting but this chat we had down by the spring was a stark reminder of what Sarah and I, and Children's HopeChest, are up against in trying to look after orphaned and abandoned children.

My first time meeting Sergey in person

I had been writing to Sergey for a while before I actually met him in person. The photo I had of him was really outdated so I hardly recognized him at first--he grew probably six inches and thinned out quite a bit since the photograph was taken. But the personality profile I received from Hopechest describing Sergey was spot on: he's a shy boy and he likes to look after the animals, especially his cats. The conversation did not flow freely, as it did between Sarah and her Russian friend, Katya. To say the conversation was stilted and a bit strained might be an overstatement, but just barely. I asked him several questions: how old are you now? what year are you in school? how'd you get that huge bandage on your toe (a bicycle mishap)? He gave me one or two word answers and barely made eye contact. Being a shy manchild myself I could see that he was having a hard time and it was taking every bit of chutzpah he had to sit there and talk to me. But he knew I had come there to see him--the caregivers had told him so. I could sense that his reticence wasn't because he thought I was a dorky old guy but because he was and is painfully shy and quite accustomed to disappointment. He was planning to spend the summer with his mom, but she fell off the proverbial bandwagon shortly before he was to visit her. So it's understandable that he wasn't too sure about me. But I think he was starting to get the point that I was trying to communicate to him in my letters--I want to be your friend.