The Reality of Personal Relationship

Do not depend on the hope of results. You may have to face the fact that your work will be apparently worthless and even achieve no result at all, if not perhaps results opposite to what you expect. As you get used to this idea, you start more and more to concentrate not on the results, but on the value, the rightness, the truth of the work itself. You gradually struggle less and less for an idea and more and more for specific people. In the end, it is the reality of personal relationship that saves everything. — Thomas Merton

I am a social worker. As a profession, we have worked hard to establish data in measurable outcomes that shows the results of our work--proof that we have specialized helping skills, proof that we deserve to be a profession, and proof that what we're doing is actually working. We use these results to develop techniques and programs based on evidence of what works in attempt to make them the most effective for the people we serve. Important stuff!

But here's the thing: all the programming in the world can't heal someone who is genuinely lonely, truly heartbroken. Sometimes the most therapeutic thing I can do for the kids I see here is to show up on time, every time, do what I say I'm going to do, and treat them with lovingkindness and respect. These are kids who have seen things most of us have only seen in nightmares, and God bless them, they are working so hard to become healthy and whole again. They also have the benefit of joining a family, and when it's a healthy family who loves them and is committed to their wellbeing, that's the best kind of therapy around.

Our kids at Sovietsk are in a different boat. Most of them will not be going home to families. In fact, last I heard, of the nearly 3 million children in Russian orphanages only .018% will be adopted.

What do we do? It can be so discouraging.

A wonderful young man Ben and I have invested in deeply is struggling beyond our imagination right now. He's on his own and without a nurturing family to support him. We feel helpless, and we hurt for him.

What do we do?

Tending toward the philosophical, Ben and I take this a step further, wondering how our work at the orphanage truly makes a difference. Throwing money is not sustainable--both because we don't have the money to throw and because donations can only take the children so far.

We have focused on programs which invest in the future for these children: psychological support, medical treatment, educational opportunities, skill-building and preparation for life beyond the orphanage. But without the love of a family, they only go so far.

So, this year, we are back to basics: sponsorship and travel. The Reality of Personal Relationships. We are more than happy to accept funds and donations for special projects and medical needs--we gladly accept any and all! But more than that, we want to continue to build a family for these children. That is, after all, what all children need.

Please stay tuned for more opportunities to join the family of these 35 children who are living without one. Believe me, it's among the most rewarding things I've ever done.

What $20 Can Do

At Under the Sun cafe a few weeks back, a kind woman (with a pretty voice) contributed $20 towards the Sovietsk fund drive. She apologized, saying that was all she had. I responded, with gratitude, "Do you know what we can do with $20?" We can
-purchase gift bags for four children, OR
-purchase supplies for a fun (and therapeutic) activity, such as face painting, OR
-purchase items just for fun, like a movie or smores at the bonfire, OR
-supply a child with personal care products for the year, OR
-supply 2 children with cold weather gear, OR
-purchase much-needed school supplies, OR
-purchase a bus ticket for Seryozha to come back from his village to see us.

Any ideas what our top priority is?



In reality, we'll be able to do many of those things--possibly even all of those things--because of simple generosity of $5 here, $10 there. Every year, it seems we hit a point where we wonder if it will all come together. And every year, the small and large donations add up, and we are able to share generously with the children at Sovietsk.

We know things are tight financially for many people now--believe us, we know! But we also know that it feels good to give, and that small gifts make a big impact. Remember the woman who gave all she had?

Last year, in the emotional family talk that preceded this photo, Sergey shared one of his greatest fears about graduation was that he wouldn't be able to see us anymore. Thank you, kind donors, for helping to ease his fears.

The List is Shrinking!

I am pleased to report that we now have sponsors for over half of the kids at Sovietsk!

This good news means the list of kids in need of sponsors (look to the right and down) is shrinking. We would love to eliminate it completely!

Who/what are sponsors?

Sponsors commit to send $34 a month, or $408 a year, to Children's HopeChest. This money provides for physical care for the child, additional education

opportunities, medical or other issues that may arise for the particular child. It also, very importantly, contributes toward resources for the orphanage in general. It provides for tutors, supplies, and a few fun events for all the kids. It pays for Lena, our discipler, to visit Sovietsk regularly and invest in the kids there. Lena is kind of a mix between a mentor and a youth pastor, for lack of better description. As Galina put it, Lena knows everything about Sovietsk. We'll share more about her later.

And, Sponsors write letters. The kids know who their Sponsors are. While we went to visit ALL the kids at Sovietsk, everyone knew we were Sergey & Katya's Sponsors, and that relationship carries significance to them. (Another reason we'd love to have some travelers join us next time!) Sponsors invest in one specific child for at least a year, and they can maintain that relationship as long as the child has access to HopeChest programs (whether at Sovietsk or after graduation). Sponsors can become like family.

Here's a cool sponsor story: On our 2007 trip, we met a woman who had been sponsoring the same girl for 10 years. After 10 years of letters, visits, prayer and encouragement, this girl had become a young woman who was graduating university and engaged to a kind young man with a wonderful family who accepted her fully. Her sponsor was invited to dinner with the family, and I believe she returned for the wedding. In a society where 'orphanage kids' are severely threatened and stigmatized, this is a WONDERFUL story. I wonder where my Katya will be in 10 years.

So, if you are interested or have more questions, contact me. I can send you everything you need to get started.

A good Christmas gift, maybe?

:)

How I ended up with this cucumber

You might be wondering how I ended up taking a photograph of a cucumber setting on my hand. Well, here's how it happened. After we had been at Sovietsk Orphanage for about a day and a half, Sergey and I had, in a way, found our rhythm. As I've mentioned, he's painfully shy. In fact, he seemed even to be a bit embarassed that Sarah and I had come there from America to visit him. It was all he could do to stay in the same room as us for more than a few minutes at a time without having to escape to the solace of his bedroom or some other such private place. I didn't take his constant scurrying away personally, but I had really started to wonder what he thought about us. But I got a clue as to what he thought by a small, meaningful action. We were hanging out with some of the kids when Sergey took off again, so I went to look for him. When I found him, he handed me a cucumber that he had picked for me, and then promptly ran away again before I could even say thank you. I don't know all that much about Russian culture, but I think that giving someone a cucumber as a gift probably means that you think of them as a friend. The cucumber was delicious.

My first time meeting Sergey in person

I had been writing to Sergey for a while before I actually met him in person. The photo I had of him was really outdated so I hardly recognized him at first--he grew probably six inches and thinned out quite a bit since the photograph was taken. But the personality profile I received from Hopechest describing Sergey was spot on: he's a shy boy and he likes to look after the animals, especially his cats. The conversation did not flow freely, as it did between Sarah and her Russian friend, Katya. To say the conversation was stilted and a bit strained might be an overstatement, but just barely. I asked him several questions: how old are you now? what year are you in school? how'd you get that huge bandage on your toe (a bicycle mishap)? He gave me one or two word answers and barely made eye contact. Being a shy manchild myself I could see that he was having a hard time and it was taking every bit of chutzpah he had to sit there and talk to me. But he knew I had come there to see him--the caregivers had told him so. I could sense that his reticence wasn't because he thought I was a dorky old guy but because he was and is painfully shy and quite accustomed to disappointment. He was planning to spend the summer with his mom, but she fell off the proverbial bandwagon shortly before he was to visit her. So it's understandable that he wasn't too sure about me. But I think he was starting to get the point that I was trying to communicate to him in my letters--I want to be your friend.